Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize