I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
