Say something about gay babies.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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