I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
