Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
