the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is the high leading the old right now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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