the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize