They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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