Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
