he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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