I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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