i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
