Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
