what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize