Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
