I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
