Will you blow on my dice?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Never underestimate the power of titties
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