weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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