I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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