If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
