I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
