Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
