Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
