OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
