I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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