rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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