i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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