Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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