I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
