So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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