READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
