i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
