How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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