im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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