direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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