He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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