You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
