last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
