did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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