Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
