just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
