You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found puke in my bra..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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