Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i think im in europe. pls send help
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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