I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
