it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
