So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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