I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
