I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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