look no pants
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
