we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
