We won't sleep together?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
