Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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