HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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