3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
