Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
