they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
