i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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