I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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