If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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