Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
