You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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