ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
