i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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