We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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