I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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