Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
